There's no official rulebook for X DMs. But everyone knows the rules anyway. You break them and people will ignore you, block you, or worse, screenshot your DM and roast you publicly. (Ask me how I know.)
Follow them and you'll actually stand out as someone worth talking to.
The Golden Rule of X DMs
Would you say this to someone you just met at a party?
That's the test. If you wouldn't walk up to a stranger and immediately pitch your service, don't do it in a DM. If you wouldn't ask someone you just met for a 30-minute call, don't do it in a DM.
X is social. Treat it that way. For the psychological principles behind why this matters, see our psychology of the perfect X DM guide.
What to NEVER Do
Let's start with the don'ts. These are the things that get you ignored or blocked.
Don't pitch in your first message.
"Hey, I help companies like yours increase revenue by 300%..." Nobody cares. They don't know you. They don't trust you. Your pitch means nothing.
Don't send walls of text.
Your first DM should be 2-3 sentences max. If someone has to scroll to read your message, they won't read it at all.
Don't use generic openers.
"Hope you're doing well!" "I came across your profile!" "Love your content!" These scream "I send this to everyone." Instant delete.
Don't send links in your first message.
Links in a first DM are a red flag. Feels like spam or a scam. Save links for after you've had a conversation.
Don't follow up same-day.
"Hey, following up on my message from 2 hours ago." No. People are busy. Give them time. Minimum 3 days before a follow-up.
Don't get weird if they don't respond.
"I guess you're too busy for me" or "Did I do something wrong?" is cringe. Sometimes people don't respond. It's not personal. Move on.
What to DO Instead
Do warm up first.
Before you DM someone, engage with their content. Like a few posts. Leave a thoughtful reply. Get on their radar. Then when you DM, you're not a complete stranger.
For more on this, see our warm-up strategy guide.
Do reference something specific.
"Saw your thread on X, the part about Y was spot on." This shows you actually know who they are. It's not a template.
Do keep it short.
Your first DM should take 3 seconds to read. One thought. One question. That's it.
Do ask a question.
End with something they can respond to easily. Not "let me know if you're interested" (interested in what?). Something specific: "Did you find [specific thing] was the hardest part?"
Do match their energy. Our guide on writing DMs that sound human covers this in depth.
If they're casual and use lowercase, don't send a formal corporate message. If they're more professional, dial up your language accordingly.
The Timing Rules
Best times to DM (B2B):
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Between 9am-11am or 2pm-4pm in their timezone. People are at work but not slammed with meetings.
Avoid:
Monday mornings (inbox chaos). Friday afternoons (checked out). Weekends (not thinking about business). Holidays (obviously).
Exception:
If you see them actively posting right now, DM now. They're on the platform. Timing trumps everything. For more data, see our best time to DM on X guide.
Follow-Up Etiquette
The fortune is in the follow-up. But there's a right way to do it.
How long to wait:
First follow-up: 3-5 days after initial message.
Second follow-up: About a week after the first.
How many follow-ups:
Two max. If they haven't responded after two follow-ups, they're not going to. Move on.
What to say:
Follow-Up 1
"hey, just bubbling this up in case it got buried. no rush though."
Short. Not pushy. Acknowledges they might have missed it.
Follow-Up 2
"last ping, promise 😄 saw your post on [recent topic] btw, good stuff. my question still stands if you get a sec."
Signals this is your last message. Adds something new (their recent content). Keeps it light.
For more on this, check out our follow-up guide.
What if They Leave You on Read?
Seen your message but didn't respond. Ouch.
Getting left on read doesn't always mean rejection. Sometimes they:
• Intended to reply later and forgot
• Weren't sure what to say
• Got busy with something else
• Aren't in the right headspace
That's why follow-ups matter. But after two attempts, accept it. Some people just won't respond. That's okay.
What NOT to do when left on read:
Don't keep messaging. Don't get passive-aggressive. Don't call them out publicly. Don't send a "I see you read my message" text. Just move on.
Conversation Progression Etiquette
They responded! Great. Now don't blow it.
Match their response speed.
If they take a day to respond, don't respond in 30 seconds. It's weird. Too fast feels desperate. Too slow kills momentum. Match their energy.
Don't dump your life story.
They asked a simple question. Answer it simply. Don't turn every response into three paragraphs.
Keep the conversation balanced.
You should be asking roughly as many questions as you're answering. If you're doing all the talking, that's a monologue, not a conversation.
Transition to business naturally.
Let the conversation lead there. Something like: "That's exactly what we help with, actually. Want to jump on a quick call to dig deeper?"
The Call Transition
Eventually you want to get on a call. How to ask without being weird:
Wait for the right moment.
After they've expressed a challenge you can help with. After some back-and-forth. Not in message 2.
Make it about them.
Good Call Transition
"this would be easier to talk through, want to jump on a quick 15 min call? I can share what's worked for others in your situation."
You're offering value, not asking for their time.
Also Good
"would you be open to a call? got some ideas that would take forever to type out. no pitch, just genuinely curious about your situation."
Acknowledging it's not a sales call lowers the barrier.
Special Situations
When they're famous/high-profile:
Shorter is better. Don't fanboy. Get to the point. They get 100 DMs a day.
When you got an intro:
Lead with the connection. "Hey, [mutual friend] mentioned I should reach out. She said you're the person to talk to about [topic]."
When they DMed you first:
Respond promptly. They're warm, don't let them cool off.
When you messed up:
Sent something cringey? Apologize briefly and move on. "That came out wrong, let me try again." Don't over-apologize.
The Etiquette Checklist
Before you hit send, run through this:
✓ Have I engaged with their content before DMing?
✓ Is my message under 3 sentences?
✓ Did I reference something specific about them?
✓ Is there a question they can easily answer?
✓ Did I NOT include a pitch or link?
✓ Would I say this to someone I just met in person?
✓ Is it a reasonable time to message them?
Frequently Asked Questions
How many follow-up DMs is too many?
Two follow-ups max. First one 3-5 days after your initial message, second one about a week after that. If you get no response after two follow-ups, move on. Three or more follow-ups without a response crosses into harassment territory.
Should I send DMs on weekends?
For B2B, avoid weekends. People are less likely to respond to business-related DMs on Saturday and Sunday. Best times are Tuesday-Thursday during business hours. But if someone's clearly active on weekends, use your judgment.
Is it okay to pitch in a first DM?
Generally no. The first DM should start a conversation, not make a sale. Build some rapport, understand their situation, then transition to business naturally. Exception: if they've explicitly asked for solutions to a problem you solve.
What if I accidentally sent a bad DM?
Don't panic. You can either let it go (they might not care) or send a quick follow-up: "that came out wrong, let me try again." Then send a better message. Keep it light, don't over-apologize.
Want DMs Done Right?
We've sent thousands of DMs and know exactly what works. Let us handle your outreach.
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